It’s been 2 years and 4 months since you left mama. I miss you so much. That September day you died apart of mama died too. You’re leaving left a huge void in my life. It left a very big hole in my heart. We were as one, you and I, always together.
I remember the day you were born. I was like only 6 months pregnant and scared. I knew it wasn’t time for you to be born, but you were ready to meet the world. You came into this world way to early weighing only 2 pounds. You were the tiniest baby I had ever seen. To be honest with you we didn’t think you were going to make it. By the grace of God he allowed you to stay with us.
I still remember hearing the doctor ask if we wanted him to save you. We looked at that man like he was crazy and said, “hell yeah”. We couldn’t believe he would ask such a question. He stated by law he had to ask. It was by the grace of God that you survived.
You were a little fighter from the beginning. Even when your weight got as low as 1 pound and 4 oz. you beat all the odds that were stacked up against you. You were my “Miracle Baby” and I thank God that HE allowed you to stay with me. For allowing me the opportunity of being your mom, loving you and taking care of you. You were my gift from God. I was so blessed by God to have had you in my life.
Over the years you went through so much. You were In and out of different hospitals. And you went through so many surgeries. So much suffering and pain, but you hung in there for years. We all knew God was always with you. He had to be because there was no way you could have made it on your own. Even though you faced years of so much pain you were always a happy little baby boy. The smallest things would bring a smile to your face.
Mama’s life changed the day you were born. Learning how to take care of you, a special little angel with special needs was a blessing. People would always say to me, “How do you do it” and that question always blew me away. How did I do it? I did it with love lots and lots of love and allot of help from God .
The day you went to be with Jesus was the first day my life changed forever. My life will never be the same again without you. My mornings were waking up to your beautiful smile. My days and nights were filled with your love, with your smiles, your laughter and your precious hugs & kisses. All the times we got to cuddle up together and all the times you “let” mama get all your sweet sugar.
Remember Bubba, at bedtime how you would always want your light or television on all night long? Mama still keeps your light on for you, every night all night long. Everything in your bedroom is still just like it was the day you left. Your sister did take something out, but it was hers and I knew you wouldn’t mind. Your brother still plays your XBox for you. I’m not sure you would like all the games that he plays.
I go in your bedroom all the time. I use to just about live in there. Sometimes I sleep on your bed with your teddy. I always let your teddy say your prayer. And I think I have ever picture I’ve ever taken of you in frames. I’ve fixed several poster like frames with lots of your pictures. I can’t go a day without seeing your beautiful smile.
I miss you like crazy. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t long to hold you again. I miss when I would put my fingers in between your tiny fingers and hold your hand. Your hand was so smooth and soft.
Oh, how I miss that one sided grin of yours. Let’s not forget how you would always hit your left elbow on the side of the bathtub while taking a bath. Yeah, even when your dad would say, “boy, you better not do that again” and you would always have this huge smile of your face and continue hitting the side of the tub over and over. You would get so excited.
It’s hard living without you. You were mama’s earth angel for 19 years. One morning I wake up and you’re gone. You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve asked God, “What do I do now”? Mama’s lost without you. Everyone around us could see that you needed mama to take care of you and all your needs, but couldn’t they see how much more mama needed you? I wish I could hold you one more time and tell you again just how much I love you.
I thank God all the time for you and all the precious memories I have of you. You taught me so much about life, about love, faith, hope, patience and sacrifice. Sometimes I didn’t always see things the way God intended for me to see them and for that I am truly sorry.
I know you’re happy in heaven. And I know your sister was there to welcome you home. I’m not sure if babies grow up in heaven or if they stay babies forever, but either way I know the two of you are together. What I do know is my two precious angels are together and will always be forever in the presence of our Lord Jesus Christ.
I’ve always told you that you were my angel and now you are in heaven with Jesus and you have your angel wings. You have that prefect body God promised you and I know you will never hurt again.
When I think about you in heaven I picture you walking hand in hand with our Lord Jesus Christ. I thank God. When I think of you walking on the streets of gold, I thank God. And when I think about you being able to do all the things that you were never able to do here on earth. I thank God. I can smile now and I know you are safe in the arms of God and your little body isn’t crooked anymore. I know you will never have pain again. That alone helps me get through my days.
Even though mama’s heart is broken in a million pieces and I miss you all the time. I feel a peace within me now knowing that I too have the promise of seeing you again. That one day we will be together again and I too will be able to see you walk and hear you say, I Love You. I know now that God only lead me you for a little while. And Living for Christ I have the promise of seeing you again. “He promises us if we seek the kingdom of God first, and his righteousness; all these things will be added to us”.
I will never say goodbye to you my precious angel. You are always in my thoughts as well as my heart. Even though you are not here with me in physical form I know you are here with me in Spirit. My love grows stronger and stronger for you as with each passing day. You are my “Miracle Baby” and “My Gift from God”.
I Love You As Much as The Sky.
Every night Bubba and
his teddy would say this prayer. Well... Bubba would listen to his teddy say
this prayer with a huge smile on his face.
Bubba's prayer was answered,
because God did take his soul before he woke on that September day.